


Back to Us

by Xi_khaleesi



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Awesome Shuri (Marvel), BuckyNat Mini-Bang, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Red Room Mentions, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 12:54:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15437487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xi_khaleesi/pseuds/Xi_khaleesi
Summary: Natasha knows James from the Red Room, where he helped train her. They shared a secret romance for years during her training. He had disappeared after her graduation ceremony. As she went about her life as the Black Widow, he was living his as the Winter Soldier. They crossed paths in Odessa where he shot her. She found him again in D.C., where her attempts to take him down were futile. He threw her against a car and shot her again. Now just mere weeks ago he had broken out of holding and choked her in a café in Berlin.Sometimes he was the James she remembered loving in Russia. Sometimes he was the Winter Soldier who hurt her. Once James is released from HYDRA’s brainwashing he wants to pick up where he and Natasha left off years ago. Natasha is reluctant for many reasons.In the days that follow James’ healing, Natasha’s world is turned upside down. Tony, of all people, calls her with news that brings her heart to a stop. Shuri approaches her with claims of being able to help her in ways a doctor told her was impossible.Natasha’s life is a mess as she has to confront James with life changing news, and to ask if he will follow her through it all.All artwork done by the amazing AgentCoop!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AgentCoop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCoop/gifts).



                                                              

_-How are things with Bucky?- Steve_

Natasha glanced at her phone as she stood outside the laboratory that still blew her mind. She watched Shuri conduct another cognitive test with James on one of her massive tables run by vibranium and a magnitude of technology she couldn’t name. It had been like this for almost a week. James was making fantastic progress in the way of removing the HYDRA programing from his mind. She was amazed at how much James could recall of their shared history all those years ago in Russia.

_-He’s doing great. He’s exactly like how I remember him. You should come back and see.-_

She replied after a few moments. It was true. He was the same James she secretly loved all those years ago in the Red Room. Years had separated them but with each adjustment Shuri made, more of him came back. A month ago when they arrived in Wakanda, James could only recall her name. A week ago he remembered the night he kissed her after a sparring session. Two days ago he blushed as he remembered how often she slipped the handcuffs on her bed and spent the night in his private room.

_-You know I want to. It’s hard keeping up with Maximoff and Vision, and not being spotted. -Steve_

Natasha knew how hard Steve was working to deal with the fall out after the Accords. He wasn’t the only one struggling.  Her phone buzzed again before she could text Steve back.

_-Plus… I have forever to catch up with my best friend. He said he wants time to make you love him again.- Steve_

Natasha felt her stomach clench. James had said that? She scowled and stared at the message. She knew she had strong feelings for him still. But those feelings were mixed up with two gunshot wounds, several chokings and years of emotional vulnerability. It’s not easy still thinking you love someone who’s physically hurt you, even if it wasn’t of their own choices that made them do it. James wouldn’t have ever hurt her. It was HYDRA who made him do it, when she interrupted his missions and he did what he had to do to complete them.

Steve messaged again, _-Stop dragging your feet Romanoff.-_

Natasha laughed, _-You’re the most annoying fossil I know.-_

 _-Bucky is more annoying, and older than me.-_ Steve had often taken to countering her sassy deflections with more wit. She used to be able to get a rise out of Steve, but he had learned her coping mechanisms that masked her real feelings.

 _-Only by a year…-_ Natasha smirked and shoved her phone into her pocket.

James was talking animatedly with Shuri and motioned to Natasha to come in. She walked towards the table and smiled at both of them. Shuri set down a tablet and smiled, “I need to grab some things, do you mind watching him for a few moments?”

James scoffed, “I don’t need a babysitter.” He smirked at Natasha who shook her head.

“No problem, Shuri.” Natasha hopped up on the large table as Shuri hurried off. She fixed James with a firm look, “Babysitter, huh?”

He laid back and rubbed his head. She sighed and slid off the table and stood by his head. “You shouldn’t be clowning around all the time when she’s working on you.”

James winced and squeezed his eyes shut, “Can’t help it. I gotta make sure you have a reason to come back in here.”

She rolled her eyes, “You idiot.” She placed her fingers on his temples and gently started to massage them. “She warned you about the headaches if you messed around.”

He breathed deeply and noticeably relaxed, a sly smile on his. She looked down at him as she did her best to help. Her fingers brushed against his thick, dark hair. “You’re worth it.”

She huffed and watched him as she worked her fingers. It had been like this since Steve left a week ago. James laid it on thick every day, relentlessly. Some days she played along, some days it only confused her. Her feelings for him were tangled up in a web that she herself couldn’t navigate. “You’re not going to give up on me, are you?” She whispered.

James leaned his head to the side, pressing into the fingers of her left hand. “Not a chance, Tasha.”

Her fingers stilled at that. That was a first. He hadn’t called her that in years. Tasha… The nickname that only he got away with. Others had tried, only for her to insist upon Nat. “James…” She warned.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it. You liked it a whole lot way back when.” He smirked.

She shook her head, her long red hair brushing around her shoulders. “I don’t recall that..” She mused.

He bit back wide smile, “I’d whisper it in your ear when we sparred. Oh, it used to make you so feisty.” She dropped her hands from his head and braced herself on the table as she looked down at him.

“You have an over-active imagination.” She replied quickly.

James didn’t seem phased, “Even better….” He had a wicked smirk on his lips. “It used to curl your toes when I breathed it against your neck. My hands all over your…”

Natasha felt a blush creep up her face. She clapped her hands over his mouth, “Okay.. okay.” She bit back her laughter and avoided his eyes as she removed her hands.

James’ hand caught her and pressed his lips to the inside of her wrist. She sighed and absentmindedly ran her thumb against his cheek. She lost herself in the intimacy of it. The intimacy she denied herself all those years away from him.

“Do you really not care for me anymore, Tasha?” He asked softly.

“That’s not fair…” She said quickly. She watched him sit up and rub his head again.

“You oscillate from hot to cold so quickly.” He took his turn fixing her with a firm gaze. “If you truly don’t care, I will respect that. But I think otherwise.”

She looked up at him, “It’s not that easy.”

His hands reached out and clasped around her arms and tugged her closer. “I don’t want this to be easy. You’ve never done anything the easy way. Even back then it wasn’t easy.” His grip on her wasn’t forced or harsh. She could all to easily step away but she didn’t. “Just be honest with me, Natasha. Everything I remember… How happy we were. I want a chance to get that back.” He gently squeezed her arms as he talked.

Natasha ducked her head as he reminisced. Of course she wanted that too. She’d gladly relive every happy memory. Why was he suddenly forcing the issue now. It hadn’t been such a problem a week ago. “Why now? What happened today that this talk needs to happen now?”

James nodded, “She’s done digging around in my head. There’s nothing left to take out. I’m finally me again.”

She smiled, “Really? You’re really done? You’re not just pulling another stunt to get me in here like you’ve done with the headaches?”

He laughed sharply, “Hey.. I got massage out of it.” He puffed up teasingly.

“Don’t make me hit you. My moral compass is almost non-existent. I see no problem in roughing you up post brain surgery.” She leaned against his knee, his hands still on her upper arms.

“Ooh.. I like it when you talk dirty to me.” He grinned, his new cybernetic hand slipped up to wrap a lock of her red hair around his finger.

She smiled, of the many things she missed about him it was his sense of humor. He always seemed to make her laugh when she was trying to take herself too seriously. Her hands rested on his thighs.

James fell silent for a few moments before tipping her chin up toward him, “I want to be us again… only if you want to.” His lips were so close to hers.

Natasha leaned forward onto her toes and closed the distance between them. Whether this worked out or not, she’d hate herself if she didn’t try.

James leaned down towards her and kissed her harder, more urgently as his hands cupped her face. The distinct sound of someone clearing their throat loudly caused Natasha to spring away from James and pretend to look at a computer panel.

“Mr. Barnes, you’re going to have to go to the next room to finish up the end of this restorative process.” Shuri pointed to another room and James winked at Natasha before exiting the room.

Shuri caught Natasha’s eye after a moment and motioned for her to sit on the table. Natasha gave her an inquisitive look.

“Oh.. I don’t need anything.” She said confusingly. Had someone said that she needed help?

Shuri nodded and took a deep breath, “I may be overstepping my boundaries, Ms. Romanoff, and if I am please stop me..”

Natasha furrowed her brows and waited for the girl to continue. Shuri held up a slender syringe with a purple liquid in it. “When you dumped all of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s and HYDRA’s intel on the internet a few years ago, I’ll admit I read through everything I could get my hands on. Including your files.”

Natasha looked up and nodded, “Oh?”

“I’ve given this serum to others who’ve come to Wakanda for help, seeking our advancements in restorative medicine. This serum regenerates areas of trauma and disability. It almost always improves the quality of life for the individuals who use it.” Shuri continued.

Natasha nodded, “It sounds like a wonderful development, I’m not sure I need it. I have bullet wounds but they do not inhibit me in anyway. And to my knowledge I am not disabled.”

Shuri looked like she was apprehensive about where to continue, “Well… Like I said.. It regenerates areas damaged by trauma. What was done to you for your graduation…”

Natasha felt a flash of shame and humiliation. Of course that fact was general knowledge to any who read the files she dumped on the internet. Her personal sense of shame, regret, and remorse. “It was necessary for someone like me.”

Shuri seemed saddened by that response. “It doesn’t have to be necessary. I think this could give you a good chance at reversing what was done to you.”

Natasha wanted to believe this girl and what she was claiming. But years ago modern medicine had confirmed that it would be impossible for her to bear children. The scarring, the damage done was not something that could be fixed by any tool or medicine available to mankind. “I need a ballpark figure.. because “a chance” doesn’t seem worth the needle stick.”

Shuri set the syringe down on the table next to her. “Of the 3 women with similar trauma to yours, 1 was able to have a child.”

Natasha didn’t care for that number, “What happened to the others?”

Shuri sighed, “They were able to conceive. Carrying a child to term was difficult. One had a baby prematurely. The other woman miscarried each pregnancy.”

“Those aren’t convincing numbers…” Natasha reminded the girl. Bu the idea of even the slightest possibility drew her in. All those years ago she remembered how she pretended to fail. That failure was better in training if it meant she didn’t have to go through with the ceremony.

“I’ll let you decide what to do. I need to return to Mr. Barnes in a moment. If you decide to try, you’re more than capable of giving yourself a shot. If you decide to not take it, you can just leave it.”

Natasha picked up the syringe as Shuri left her alone. For such a small thing it weighed heavy in her hand. Her heart thudded quickly. Would it be worth the trouble if it only resulted in her losing children, or potentially have a child too early. On the other hand, taking back the part of her that the Red Room stole seemed so rewarding. Taking the serum out of spite seemed wrong. Should someone like he really be allowed the possibility to have children. Perhaps it was for the best that she didn’t have to worry about such things.

  



	2. Chapter 2

Natasha underestimated the slender syringe. The thin needle seemed harmless. As she jabbed it into the side of her thigh it instantly started to burn. She had a high threshold for pain, the Red Room ensured that. But the burning deep inside her skin that she couldn’t quell was enough to drive her mad. The pain radiated from her thigh outward across her body. Sweat peppered her skin, it was enough to make her double over and grip the table.

In the back of her mind she started to second guess if taking the nanite serum would be worth this pain. Shuri hurried into the room seeming intent on retrieving a slender device to take back to the room James was in. The girl glanced at Natasha, “I should have warned you that it’s not the most pleasant thing to endure. You might want to lie down.”

Natasha straightened up and grimaced, “It’s not so bad. Aching honestly…” The injection site felt raw and irritated.

Shuri nodded, “That’s just the initial phase. Your body is trying to fight the nanites. Eventually the nanites will converge on the sites I programmed them to heal. It’s not going to feel good. The other women were in considerable discomfort for a few hours.”

Natasha gave Shuri a hesitant look, “Why didn’t you tell me this before I took the serum?”

Shuri looked reproachful, “Would it have honestly changed your mind? Reversing the trauma done to you won’t be easy. Your body is going to be put through the ringer within the next half hour or so.”

Natasha turned and made to head for her quarters within the side of the Wakanda palace that housed visitors. Shuri piped up, “Shall I tell Mr. Barnes where to find you later?”

Natasha grimaced as a twinge of pain rocketed across her lower abdomen, making her stiffen midstep. “No…” She said quickly, “Tell him I’ll see him in the morning.” The last thing she wanted was James seeing her in whatever state this serum would put her in. She didn’t want to explain this to him now. While it was her body and her decision to do this, he was the one she had in mind when it came to potentially fathering her children, if she even could. If anything it was a lot to lay on a man who had just gotten his brain back. Talk about moving quickly… Although their relationship had been put on hold for something like 14 years. She tried to count in her head how long it had been since her Red Room years. Another sharp jab distracted her from the thought.

Shuri nodded, “Okay. Do try and relax. I know your past, and you’re incredibly strong. It may be easier for you to handle than the other women, but take care of yourself. Drink water. Try and sleep. Your body is fight the nanites, you’re going to feel tired.”

Natasha nodded her head back and left quickly. In the elevator that led her to the 3rd floor residence wing, she dug her fingers into her lower stomach to stop the aching. The graduation ceremony had left her with phantom pains for years. Sharp, stabbing cramps that seemed to try their best to beat her down.

In the safety of her room she rummaged through her meager supply of clothing and found her trusted black leggings and loose sweater. Shuri had been right, she felt like she had just spent all day fighting aliens in New York again. Exhausted, she curled up in the spacious bed and chased sleep. Sleep evaded her for hours. Her entire abdomen seemed to be on fire. A ripping, searing sort of pain radiated between her hips. She had been taught to hide pain. Showing pain was weakness. But this… Natasha could only equate this type of pain to what she was yearning to have. Children. Childbirth. This had to be similar. This sort of pain wasn’t easy to mask. She had long since shed the sweater and leggings she chose earlier. Having soaked through them and took a cooler approach with cotton shorts and a sports bra. Her hair matted against her head. The only thought that prevailed the agony was that it would be worth it. All of this would be worth it if it worked. If…

A few hours later the pain seemed to be recessing slowly. It hurt like hell still, but she had managed to find a threshold and bear it. She dared to give into sleep now. She felt drowsy, and able enough to slip into sleep while her body seemed to be at war with itself. She buried her face into a pillow that she hadn’t ruined with sweat stains. Just as she dozed off, a quick knock on her door alerted her.

She scowled at the door and ignored it. Rolling onto her side and covering her head with the pillow. They’d go away eventually. A knock came again with a hesitant, “Tasha?”

She groaned and stared at the door. Only one person called her that, she he wasn’t supposed to be here. Not now.

“…Tasha… I know you’re in there. Don’t make me break the door down.” James rattled the door handle for effect. It was locked but she knew it wouldn’t stop him if he was determined enough. “I checked every room on this floor. I know you have to be in this one.”

She whimpered and sat up, her skin was flushed and clammy. Her hair was twisted into a messy knot on top of her head. She slipped out of bed and stood only to find her entire abdomen uncomfortably cramped and rebelling as she tried to straighten up. Her back muscles worked into spasms as she limped to the door.

She breathed softly and pressed her head against the door. “James… Now isn’t a good time.” She shut her eyes and grimaced through the discomfort.

She heard him sigh audibly through the door. “Natasha, what did I do wrong?”

Natasha, despite the pain she was in, suddenly felt worse. He didn’t deserve to stand outside her door and think he did something wrong. She tugged open the door after a long pause, and peeked her head around.

James smiled initially and she watched his expression soften considerably. “You’re sick…” His eyes were full of concern.

She breathed slowly and looked at him. “I’m just awfully tired.” She bristled noticeably as a spasm made her fingers grip the door harder.

James noticed the way she seemed bent over, and her muscles tense as she stood. She was more than sick.

“Do you want me to get you anything?” He stepped closer to the door.

She shook her head, “No, it’s alright James. I was just going to lay down. Come see me in the morning?” She asked with a small smile that wasn’t too hard to muster when he was around.

He looked disappointed but nodded, “Of course, Natasha..” He stepped back and looked at her once again before walking down the hall.

She hastily shut the door and hobbled back to her bed, panting with the exertion it took to stand upright and mask the discomfort. She was sure she was out cold before her head even hit the pillow.

Sometime later she felt the bed dip behind her. She blearily rolled over and found James setting a tray down on the bedside table. She stiffly sat up and rubbed her eyes, “It’s morning?” She groaned. She didn’t feel anymore discomfort or pain but she did feel sore. The kind of sore she felt after a good spar at the gym.

James shook his head, “Afternoon. I came by this morning and you didn’t answer. I checked on you and you were out cold. I didn’t want to bother you, you looked like you really needed some rest last night.”

She suddenly smelled coffee and her eyes drifted to the tray. “You brought me coffee?”

He nodded and looked proud of himself. He handed her the large mug, “Black and one sugar right?”

She held the mug to her nose and breathed in the delicious smell. Back in the Red Room during breakfast there was always coffee given on the trays of food to the girls and soldiers who were older than 16. She developed a liking for it and once she had developed her relationship with James, he always made a point to drop his ration of coffee off at her table and let her have it. He didn’t care for the stuff.

“Perfect.” She sipped the dark liquid and exhaled a happy sigh.

James looked around her room, it was considerably messy. With the clothes she shed during the night. The pillows and bed clothes that were too constrictive and hot during her healing process.

“Rough night?” She asked and nodded towards the mess.

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” She said quickly and busied herself with drinking the coffee before it got even the least bit cold. She liked her coffee so hot it almost burned as she drank it.

“Are you okay? I don’t mean to press.. but I overheard Shuri talking to one of her computers. She mentioned your name and a nanite serum. Is that what made you sick?” He asked quietly.

She stared at the remaining coffee in her mug. Torn between telling him the truth or fabricating a very believable lie. The timing on this was pitifully wrong. How could she even begin to admit she wanted children to the man she fell in love with some 14 years ago? He had just gotten his memories back and bringing up the future she wanted was definitely moving way too fast. It would take years to get back to the level of intimacy and vulnerability they had. Plus there was the physical reminders of what he had done to her under HYDRA’s influence. Two scars, the flashbacks she sometimes suffered when she fired of gun. She could almost feel the heartbreak and pain again, each time he shot her.

She shrugged at him, “Either that or the hours I spent putting off sleep to monitor you in the lab finally caught up with me.” She left it at that. Not quite a lie, but not exactly the truth either.

James stared at her and gave her a nod. He wanted to press her and piece together what he head, but he didn’t want to jeopardize the fragile relationship they had, if you could even call it that.

Natasha set her coffee down and wished she had slept in something more than a sports bra and little shorts. She felt awfully exposed physically and emotionally around him. She sucked in a deep breath, “This is weird, right?” She admitted and glanced at him. “What are we doing? We’re grown, why do I feel like I’m 17 again, and nervous every time I catch your eye.”

James smiled and rubbed his face, “I make you nervous, Tasha?” He seemed to like that idea.

She pulled a pillow in front of her and hugged it as she buried her head in it. James let her have her moment before gently tugging the pillow away. “You were always shit at talking about things, that hasn’t changed. What’s on your mind?”

She knew he was right. She was not a talker. She preferred to internalize her feelings and keep everyone guessing. “Can we really just go back to being us? Like it was in Russia?”

James made himself more comfortable on the bed, scooting back and kicking off his shoes. He always seemed to find a way to make himself at home quite easily. Natasha envied him for it. She rarely relaxed around others. He seemed to consider the question for a while. “I think we can. We just have to work at it.”

“But is it worth it? What if what we had is the best it will ever be? We’re different… I’m different now. We’re older, maybe wiser, I don’t know…” She looked at him lounging on the end of her bed.

“I’m too old to start over with anyone else. You could move on. But I don’t want to. There’s too much to explain to someone new. You understand me. You know what happened to me. I think you’re the only one strong enough to stop me.”

“I’m telling Steve you think I’m stronger than him. He’ll cry.” Natasha smirked.

James gave her a firm look, “Why do you do that?”

Natasha furrowed her brow, “Do what?”

“Ignore anything remotely sensitive and deflect with humor? Do you honestly not know you do it?” James looked almost hurt by it. She couldn’t tell by the expression he wore. It was a mix of concern and possible sadness.

She felt her stomach coil nervously. She was well aware that she did it, and she had a very good reason why. She ducked her head and fixated on her nails. “Old habits…” She admitted, a twinge of shame made her stomach hurt.

James huffed, “But why? Why do you…” He started quickly by she cut him off.

Her temper flared irritably, “Because you shot me. Twice.” She said so completely unfairly. She knew it wasn’t him who shot her, but it messed her up. She watched the shame register on his face. He seemed prepared to hear that, but she was sure it hurt nonetheless. “I’m… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” She trailed off and stopped as he waved his hand at her to stop talking.

“I deserved that.” He said evenly, his lips pressed in a tight thin line.

Natasha shook her head, “No… It wasn’t really you who did it. I understood that after the second time.” Oh, but the first time. In Odessa… That had messed with her in such a profound way. The hurt, the disbelief, the questioning that she tortured herself with for years after that. It nearly drove her to drop everything and assume a new cover.

“I hurt you. I see why you deflect, and hide. It’s only natural. You were trained to keep the enemy away.” James said as if he was reasoning with himself.

“James.” She said firmly, fixing her gaze on him. “I deflect because in spite of everything that’s happened. The years, the distance, and the scars… I still feel like I did when I was young. My brain tells me I shouldn’t.. but every other part of me says throw caution to the wind and live.” She wrung her hands as she talked in barely more than a whisper.

James sat up in front of her, their knees almost touching on the bed. “So where does that leave us? Earlier you never gave me an answer.”

She shrugged, “I think we need to take it slow..”

James looked at her, “How slow are we talking here? Because if it’s really slow you should make a note to not parade around half naked. Honestly, Natasha… Bikinis have more fabric.” He teased.

She scowled and flung a pillow at him. “I was sick, you idiot.” She plucked at her linen shorts and sighed, “And for the record, the bikini’s you remember are much different from the ones today, old man.”

He caught her hand as she flung the pillow and swatted it with his free hand. He tugged her forward into him. She gasped as he held her tightly in his arms.

“For the record this is the opposite of slow, James.” She struggled a little remembering she must stink from sweating all night.

“Wear more clothes then.” He planted a kiss on her cheek. “Is this too fast?”

Yes… She wanted to say, but her arms linked around him. “If you don’t like what I wear then you know where the door is.”

He laughed deeply, “Oh, you’re so evil, Tasha. I love it.”

His lips pressed against her throat and it made her want to throw caution to the wind again. She knew what he was doing. He knew her better than anyone else did. He knew how to push her buttons still and get things tilted in his favor.

She laughed as he pinned her to the bed, “It’s a shame you weren’t born a girl. Madame would have loved you. You manipulate people as well as I can.”

James chuckled, “Manipulator? Me.. Never..” His lips traveled across her collar bone.

                                                                

“Liar. You’re doing it now.”

James nipped her shoulder, causing her to gasp. “You like it.”

He was right about that. She lost herself under his lips. The weight of him on her was welcome and so familiar. His hands slid down to her hips, pulling her into him as he kissed her hard on the mouth. Things were spiraling dangerously close to an area she knew she shouldn’t tip-toe into without telling him about what Shuri had done for her.

James hooked his fingers into the band of her shorts and she broke from the kiss. “James…” She warned.

He mistook the use of his name for encouragement and smiled as he tugged them a little lower. She grabbed his wrist and stilled his hand. “James… I can’t.. Not right now.”

He looked a little disappointed. She did too, for the record. She wanted nothing more than to be with him fully. Jumping back into bed with him this soon would only complicate things. She needed to find the courage to tell him about the serum. He deserved to now what could result if she slept with him.

“Tasha..” He whispered. She didn’t quite know if it was begging her to reconsider or frustration.

“I smell like an old gym bag, I haven’t brushed my teeth. It’s too early to do this… I want to. I really do.. But I think we need to wait. This is too fast..” She pushed him to roll off of her so she could sit up. She fixed her hair, it had fallen from the messy bun atop her head.

James gently patted her leg, and gave it a slight squeeze. “Go on a date with me? This afternoon. I’m sure Shuri has a recommendation of where to go in Wakanda.”

She smiled at him, “Pick me up at noon.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. Thanking him silently for being understanding. Not that the James she knew would ever be upset with a girl for setting a boundary. He really was a gentleman.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” He got up and kissed her forehead. “Go shower. You stink.”

She flung a pillow at him again, “You’re awful!”

  



	3. Chapter 3

Natasha had just gotten out of the shower that was very much needed. She was padding around her room in a silken robe when a loud knock at the door disrupted her outfit planning. She opened the door expecting James to be there and ready to turn him away until she was dressed. Shuri smiled and waved a tablet at Natasha. “Can I come in for a second?”

Natasha nodded and let Shuri pass by her. “I assume you’re here to check on the nanites?”

Shuri nodded, “How did it go last night?”

Natasha set aside a blue shirt that she possibly would wear. She gave Shuri a firm look, “It wasn’t the worst thing I’ve experienced, but it wasn’t a walk in the park either.”

Shuri tapped a few things on her tablet and a bright light emanated from the camera lens. “Can I scan you really quick?”

Natasha nodded and stepped away from the bed. In a matter of seconds the bright light passed over her whole body and a light chime must have signaled it was complete. Shuri examined the tablet closely and Natasha, not sure of what to do now, went back to pawing through her dresser. She had absolutely nothing to wear for a date. She didn’t exactly have a full closet of outfits. Her leggings, boots, and jacket were pretty standard each day. 

After a few moments Shuri shut the tablet off. Natasha looked at her expectantly, “What’s the verdict?”

Shuri smiled, “The nanites worked. According to the scan you are fully healed. Any scarring and trauma has been erased. I feel really good about this. With the other women.. I had many doubts.”

Natasha nodded and absentmindedly ran a hand along her stomach. “Thank you, Shuri… I can’t believe this… I owe you.”

Shuri shook her head quickly, “It’s my pleasure. You don’t owe me anything, Ms. Romanoff. Just take care. I really hope everything works out for you.” The young girl headed for the door with a short wave at Natasha. 

Alone again, Natasha had no idea what to do with her outfit. The best she had were leggings that she tucked into tall, tan heeled boots. She picked up a cream colored silky tank-top and an olive colored cardigan. By noon she had styled her hair fiddled with her phone. She had hoped to hear from Steve but had no new messages. 

James knocked on her door promptly at noon. He wrapped her in a warm hug when she opened the door. She was relieved to see he was dressed casually in dark jeans, a maroon t-shirt under a charcoal grey button up. 

“I’m so glad you went casual. I have no nice clothes here.” Natasha shut her door and gave a sigh of relief.

James laughed, “You look fantastic, what makes those clothes not nice?” He plucked at the cardigan. To him she looked very well put together.

She looked up at him, “I was hoping this wasn’t a dress and heels kind of date.”

He kissed her cheek after a long smile, “I don’t have any clothes to wear for that kind of date either. I think we should consider going shopping.” He stopped her at a door a few down from hers.

She gave him a strange look, “I thought…”

He looked annoyed and opened the door, “I’ve been advised to not leave the compound for a while. Shuri isn’t sure I should venture out into the busy public when it’s unclear how certain stressors will affect me. This is the best I could do for us.”

He motioned to a simple room that must have been assigned to him. It had a small table with a small selection of food and fresh coffee. She squeezed his hand, “This looks lovely. I don’t need much, James. This is great.” She stepped inside.

It was true, she didn’t need extravagance and fine things. She was military in some respects. She didn’t keep much, only what she could easily carry with her if she needed to run. She knew his soldier training had taught him the same. But he came from a different era, where she knew men doted on women. A different time.

“You deserve more.” He said simply and set to pour them some coffee.

She placed a hand on his back as he filled the two large mugs, “I really don’t. This is much more my speed. Don’t beat yourself up over what you can’t control. We’ll enjoy our coffee and snacks. I see movies over there. Perhaps I can give you a cinematic crash course in modern films.” She kissed his shoulder, noticing that he seemed disappointed in not being able to set up a better date.

She lifted her mug off the table and motioned for him to follow her to the comfy looking couch near the tv. After a moment she popped in a movie and settled next to him.

“You’re really okay with movies and coffee for a date?” James asked as she shut off the lights and draped a blanket over their legs.

“You have no idea how happy this makes me.” She smiled. She was a creature of comfort. She liked movies quite a lot and staying in with him only made it better. “Plus, everyone knows when you go to movies on a date, you make out during the previews.”

He laughed and motioned to the coffee, still too hot to drink. “We’ll we should probably do something while the coffee cools.”

James captured her lips a moment after he spoke. She laughed against his lips, cupping his face and returning the kiss. By the time the previews were over and the movie started, Natasha had to extract herself from his grip and slide off his lap. She laughed as she tugged the blanket off the floor.

James was reluctant to let her go, “I’m not interested in this movie anymore.” He pointed out. His hand sliding across her thigh.

She was flushed and brushed her hair back, “No funny business. Drink your coffee.” She nudged.

He scoffed, “Yeah… I don’t want that coffee either.”

She smirked and lifted her cup to her lips to give herself to do besides consider jumping right back onto his lap. She was as tempted as he was. “I don’t want to coffee either, but this is a good movie, James.” She pointed out.

He kissed her neck as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Then let’s not drink the coffee together.”

She sighed and caught his hand as it rode higher up her thigh. “James… I want to… I really do..”

He kissed down her neck, pressing soft kisses against her collar bone. “Then let go of my hand, Tasha.” He smirked. He knew he was pushing it, but god he couldn’t help himself. He was sure she was just playing coy to egg him on.

She couldn’t think straight when his lips were on her. She was on the verge of abandoning caution and jumping him right there. She knew better. She had to tell him before she slept with him and withheld the information he deserved to know. 

“James… Stop… I need…” She pushed his back just enough to let herself think free of his lips effect on her. “I need to talk to you before we do anything.”

James stopped instantly, knowing the meaning of the word. He knew Natasha liked her games but this didn’t seem like one of them. “What is it?” He said softly, more concerned now than he had been a few minutes ago. 

She looked at him, “I didn’t want to talk about this today… Especially not on a first date. This is so not how things are supposed to go.” She started and looked at him almost nervously. 

James patted her hand on arm and nodded, “Well... really this isn’t a first date. We had lots of dates before. We’re not strangers to each other’s bodies. We’re just older now.” Back in her Red Room days they had “dates” as they called it but it was more so secret meetings in closets or in his room after dark when she managed to slip out of her handcuffs that kept her in her dormitory. 

“It’s not that I’m shy or nervous… Things have changed for me and it’s only fair that I’m honest with you.” She explained. “Shuri gave me a serum that she’s used before to reverse infertility. She suspects that one day I’ll be able to have children. There’s no guarantee it will work or if I’ll be able to carry a child. I needed to try. I didn’t know how badly I’d want my own children until I was there for the births of my best friend’s children. I helped raise his kids, and it killed me to know I’d never get that chance. I need to tell you this because if there’s even the slightest question that you don’t want children, then we need to take precautions when we’re together. I don’t want the possibility of a baby being something that’s a deal breaker.”

She spoke clearly, and James listened carefully. He could see why she didn’t want to do this now. It was a heavy topic for such a lighthearted occasion. “Tasha…” He said softly. “I want children. Hell… I’d love to have children with you, if you’d let me. I have real worries that I wouldn’t be a good father. But I’d never leave you because of something you want.”

She smiled lightly, “There’s still no guarantee it’ll happen.. but just so we’re on the same page. If we’re together we should know the possible results.”

He kissed her cheek. “I’m fine with children, if it works out. Just so you know.” He nodded at her. “You said you helped raise your friend’s kids?”

She smiled, brightly. “Clint… He… Well… Long story short… He was sent to kill me and I actually defected to SHIELD when he decided I was worth saving. I owe him my life, and he has this saint of a wife, Laura. And three beautiful kids. Cooper, Lila, and Nathaniel. I’m their godmother.” She beamed proudly. “Honestly I thought godmother was as close as I’d ever get to being a mother. But I’d never want Clint and Laura to die so. I doubt they ever will. Clint’s so protective.”

James smiled as she talked about them. “They sound like wonderful people.”

“They’re my family. I never got to know my real family. They have a room for me in this glorious farm house. I think I need to take you to meet them one day.” She liked the idea of that. Taking James to meet the Barton’s.

James kissed her forehead, “I’d love to meet your family.”

The way he said “your family” truly meant a lot to her. She reached for him and kissed him again. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him as he kissed her back. Briefly he pulled away, “I thought you said no funny business.” He teased. His fingers inching up her silky tank top. 

“Shut up before I decide I shouldn’t sleep with you on the first date.” She huffed and tugged at his button up shirt. 

James didn’t need any other hints and scooped her into his lap and rose from his seat. He maneuvered them towards his bed. Natasha made quick work of his shirts before she hit the bed. James tugged at her boots, having to struggle with the zippers to free her feet. She laughed as he tossed them to the floor in fake exasperation. She flung her cardigan at him as he worked his belt open and kicked his shoes off. 

“Play nice or I’ll put my clothes back on!” He swatted the cardigan and frowned playfully.

Natasha grinned, “We both know that’s an empty threat.”

James groaned and snatched her foot and stripped off her leggings. He crawled onto the bed after shedding his pants. Their hands worked in a frenzy to remove the last bits of clothing that prevented them from being closer. James wasted no time worshipping every inch of her body before she couldn’t take the soft, reverent kisses anymore. Neither one of them lasted as long as they should have. After, James spent more time kissing the scars he was sure he’d be apologizing for the rest of his life for with her. 

Natasha lazily rested her head on his chest, catching her breath. The movie was still playing across the room. The floor littered with their clothes. She looked up at him as he traced slow patterns up and down her bare back. “Do you think we rushed things a bit?” She worried that moving this fast would ultimately end with them crashing and burning.

James’ fingers stilled on her back for a moment before resuming the patterns. “I don’t think so. Do you?”

Natasha breathed softly now, “I don’t know. I think maybe a little. But it feels right, doesn’t it? I have nothing to compare it too. No one else I’ve known has had a relationship like ours. It’s complicated.” Was complicated really the best words for this? Was complicated the best status for their potential children? She wondered now if she should have fished the condom out of the hidden pocket in her leggings. 

“You used to not worry so much.” He pointed out. “The only opinion that matters is our own. We’re not young anymore. Well.. I’m not young, and I don’t have to answer to anyone about my relationship choices. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself or your feelings to anyone. So what if it’s fast? What’s wrong with that? We’ve known each other for almost 20 years I’m nearly a century old. There’s no rule book I know of that will give a game plan for how we proceed from here.” He said quietly. He was right, and she wished she could be as level headed about this as he was. She wasn’t sure where the worry came from. He was right. She had no one to explain herself to. If people thought lowly of her for her relationship choices then they really didn’t know her at all. She had an awful lot to be thought lowly of in her past.

She stretched an arm over his stomach and sighed. “You’re right…” She admitted.

James laughed, “I’m sorry, what was that? Can you say it again?”

She wrinkled her nose, “You’re right, James.” She said sassily. She could hear and feel the laughter in his chest.

Across the room she heard her cell phone buzz. She was sure it was Steve checking in. She didn’t dare move from her spot in his arms. He looked over at her phone on the table by the tv. “You need to get that?” James asked softly, not super eager to release her from his grip.

She shook her head, “No. It’s Steve. He checks in from time to time. It’s always some cryptic message with no real information. I’ll get it later.”

Later turned out to be after a full movie in bed, and two more rounds of funny business. Natasha dozed off after the last round as it neared late evening. James heard her phone buzz a few more times. He briefly thought of waking her but figured Steve must have more to share than usual. He fell asleep a while after the movie started to repeat again. 

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

The door to James’ room burst open flooding the dark room with light. James shot up and squinted at the door. 

“Buck.. Sorry.. Didn’t think you’d be sleeping. I need to find…” Steve said quickly as Natasha clutched the blankets closer to her body. “..Nat.” Steve’s eyes fell on her, the person he was looking for.

Steve suddenly looked uncomfortable. “I’m sorry… Nat.. I need to talk to you.” Steve ducked out of the room and James grumbled and rubbed his eyes. It was nearly midnight.

Natasha scowled and sat up. She was not one to be pleasant when woken abruptly. “What the hell, doesn’t he know to knock?”

James shrugged, “What couldn’t wait till morning?” He wondered aloud.

Natasha scooted out of bed and stumbled around putting her clothes back on. She attempted to fix her hair. The long red curls had turned into messy waves overnight. She yawned and kissed James’ cheek as he shuffled out of bed and into the shower. 

She exited the room and found Steve pacing the hallway looking anxious. An odd feeling pitted her stomach as she watched him. “What is it? Are we needed somewhere again?” She said quickly and crossed her arms. Still not happy about being suddenly barged in upon. “According to the Accords you and I are forcibly retired, not to mention fugitives. So I don’t think anything really warrants you barging in a room without knocking in the middle of the night, Rodgers.”

Steve looked at her reproachfully, “Nat… Stark reached out to me…”

She huffed. Tony was not on her list of people who she’d help out in the middle of the night. Not after the events of a few months ago. He was the reason why she was on the run again. “How the hell did Tony contact you?” She narrowed her eyes.

“I gave him phone a while ago. With only my number on it. Said he could call me if he needed me, and I’d be there.” Steve admitted.

“That’s dumb. Why would you even…” She started by Steve cut her off.

“Nat, he’s been trying to find you for a while. When he couldn’t he called me.”

She rolled her eyes, “I’m not doing anything for him. Why is this even being discussed right now?” He looked at Steve incredulously.

“He’s got Barton’s kids.” Steve said softly. His eyes surveying her cautiously.

“Why would he have the kids, where are Clint and Laura?” She asked quickly. Tony hated children as far as she knew.

Steve looked away, “They’re dead.”

She almost laughed because there was nothing that could kill Clint. They joked for years that he’d die at some ridiculously old age. He wouldn’t die on her, no on his kids and Laura. “I’m not in a mood for games, Steve. This is morbid, and not like you at all.” She refused to believe even a word of it.

Steve grabbed her arm as she turned to go to her room. “Natasha…” He said quietly. The pitiful look he had in his eyes when he looked at her made her blood run cold.

“Shut up.” She gasped. The only thing that could come out of her mouth, the only thing she was able to utter. “You’re lying. Clint wouldn’t… He wouldn’t… He promised..” She stammered.

Steve didn’t let go of her arm, even as she tried to tug it free. “Hey.. Hey..” He said quickly as she tried to punch her way out of his grip on her arm. “Natasha!” He said firmly, as she hyperventilated.

Steve had never seen her show so much emotion. He had never seen her cry real tears. He had seen her act them a million times and it was convincing. But these were real. “No… They were good! This isn’t supposed to happen to good people!” She shouted, wrenching her arm free, but Steve caught her other hand. 

Steve sank to the ground with her, managing to lessen his grip on her as she buried her face into her hands. The door burst open behind him and James gave Steve a confused look. He was freshly showered and dressed in new clothes.

“What the hell, Steve.” James approached the two of them. 

Steve game him a lost look as James pulled her off the ground. He pulled her hands away from her face as she silently cried. “Tasha…” He whispered, “What’s going on?”

She shook her head and wiped at her eyes furiously. She sniffled and looked at Steve. “Where are the kids?”

Steve looked at his phone, “With Stark at the Avengers facility. I have coordinates. We can leave in the morning.”

Natasha shook her head, “No, we leave now. How long has…” She stammered unable to say it. “How long since…” She looked at Steve.

“From what I know, almost a week.”

 

“Why am I just finding out now!” She demanded knowing she was angry at the wrong person.

Steve stiffened, “I found out hours ago when I tried calling you. You didn’t respond to the messages. Tony told me he had been trying his best to hunt you down. When his people couldn’t put a trace on you, he called me.”

She lowered her head and sighed. All she could think about were the kids. “I have to go. Those kids need me. Someone fire up a damn plane. I’m leaving now.”

Steve nodded and left for the hangar bay below the residence, and James turned to Natasha. “Tasha… Maybe you should sleep before you decide to go.”

She shook her head and hurried for her room. She fished a large tote bag out of her closet and set about shoving her possessions in them. “I have to go… The kids..” It would be hours before she was stateside again and near the children.

James lifted the bag out of her reach and took her shaking hands in his. “Why don’t you call Stark and ask why he’s hunting you down?”

She looked up at him. “I’m all those kids have left. I know why he’s calling. I was there the day Clint and Laura and their lawyers drafted documents that would ensure I’d become their guardian if this happened. I need to go. I have to take care of those kids.”

James furrowed his brow, “Guardianship will go to a family member first.” He pointed out.

She stepped away and circled the room, double checking that she had everything. “They have no one else. Clint’s brother died a while back. Laura didn’t have siblings. No living grandparents. It’s me.”

James took in what she was telling him. “That’s a huge responsibility, Natasha. You said there’s three kids?” 

She gave him a firm look, “You think I shouldn’t do it?” She asked him incredulously. 

James saw the anger flash across her face, “I’m trying to be the voice of reason here. Of course you could do it.” His own emotions getting the better of him. “What about this? What about us?”

Natasha stilled and looked at him. Here she was leaving, fleeing the country. She hadn’t even stopped to think about James. She crossed her arms. “James…” She said softly.

“You’re running off and you haven’t even given me the chance…” He started but she quickly interjected.

She rounded on him, stepping closer. “You want me to choose. You or the kids? That’s what this is going to come down to?” She knew her choice. She knew the answer, when she signed on the line all those years ago. The kids came first, she owed it to Clint and Laura after all they had done for her.

James stood in front of her. Between her and the door. “I never said choose. Do you think I’d make you pick?”

“It sure feels that way.” She glanced at her phone, a message from Steve notified her that he had a jet ready to go in the hangar. 

Silence hung between them. James didn’t move to from his spot in front of the door. Natasha looked up at him, her eyes red and still teeming with tears. James softened at that, seeing her in pain was something he wasn’t used to at all. 

She needed to say so many things. She wanted to ask him things she didn’t deserve to. It wouldn’t be fair because he was good and he’d say yes. He didn’t sign up for the same thing she had. He wasn’t even a blip on her radar when she signed that paper. “I have to go, James.” She said sharply.

“What about me?” James said quickly and gave her a firm look. 

She shook her head, “I can’t ask you that. You should stay here.”

James didn’t buy it. He grimaced and looked away, “Ask me, Natasha.” He said simply.

She scoffed, “You’re an idiot for even thinking…” She said sharply.

James interjected, “Ask me, Natasha. Do it.” 

She stared at him with disbelief. She glanced away before forming the words in her mind. “Come with me, James.”

He made a big show of mulling over the question. Running his hands through his hair, pacing the floor. She pressed her lips into a thin line and stared at him. She needed to get going. “James…” She insisted and stepped toward the door.

He sighed heavily for effect, “Alright I’ll go with you.” He said with finality as if she had been bugging him about it for months. 

Natasha wanted to smile at the way he was acting, purely to make her feel better. “James… You didn’t sign up for this. I can’t ask you to do this.”

He waved her off, “You’re right, I didn’t sign up for this. But I am not letting you walk away from me. I know that much for sure. I can handle anything else that comes with this decision to come with you.”

She crumbled into his arms. James held onto her tightly and kissed the top of her head. She was crying again, and James tried to brush the tears from her eyes. “You’re going to get through this. I’ll make sure of it.” He promised.

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

The flight from Wakanda to the Avengers compound felt like it lasted days. It was snowing when the jet touched down and Natasha was the first out of the jet. James grabbed her before she took off.

“I’m going to stay with Steve and relocate the jet. I’ll come find you in a little bit. Go take care of those kids.” He offered softly and kissed her cheek.

Natasha trudged through the snow from the landing pad and hurried into the main atrium of the Avengers compound. Tony was waiting for her. She quickly scanned the room and didn’t find the kids anywhere. She approached Tony wearily and offered no words upon her arrival.

Tony seemed at a similar loss for words, which was so uncharacteristic of him. For a while he just motioned for her to follow. After a few moments, he spoke. “I called off the government. You, Rodgers, and Barnes don’t have to hide anymore.”

Her first thought was to say something unkind about how it took him long enough to come to his senses. “Where are they?”

Tony looked over at her, “With social services in the conference room. The lawyers are here too.”

She furrowed her brows, “Why social services? I thought you were watching them? Rodgers said…”

Tony laughed lightly, “I don’t do kids, Romanoff. They’re good kids no doubt. Social services are here until you legally assume guardianship. Lawyers have to read the will and as I understand it there’s some more papers to be signed and notarized.”

Natasha wished she had done her makeup, taken a shower and chosen better clothes than just boots, leggings, and a sweater. Tony led her to a conference room filled with lawyers, a notary, and Maria Hill. Through another door she saw Pepper and two women with the kids. Her heart thudded painfully as she watched Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel interact with the adults but neither of the three looked ok. Natasha could see the pain of their loss on their little faces. 

She choked back sobs, as her hand reached for the wall to still herself as she swayed. Seeing the kids had made this all incredibly real. Clint and Laura were really gone. She was the sole guardian of three children now. The youngest barely three years old. Tony looked lost on how to deal with her and her sudden display of emotions.

“Romano… Natasha..” He corrected and grabbed her shoulder. “Breathe…” He crouched next to her as she slid down the wall and put her head against her knees. 

She breathed deeply and tried to shake the fear blossoming in her chest. She knitted her fingers into her hair and shut her eyes. She needed to control herself. The kids couldn’t see her fall apart. 

Tony patted her arm uncomfortably. “I’m going to go in and stall the lawyers. Do you need a moment?”

Natasha nodded and watched Tony leave. She spent a few minutes sitting on the ground before she willed herself to stand. She had to stand up. She had to move forward. Not just for herself, but for the kids. They’d need her to be strong for them. Stronger than she had ever been in her life.

Natasha’s hand trembled on the door handle as she pushed it open. She held her breath as she walked into the room. The lawyers had been milling around, now settled into introducing themselves to her. Frankly, she didn’t care about their names or what firms they represented. 

She listened to their formal introductions for longer than necessary. She interjected as a man was about to start. “Can we just get to the point? I’d like to have matters handled quickly so I can see to the children.” She iterated. “You seem like nice people, and I know you’re just doing your job. Could we just pick up the pace?”

“Ms. Romanoff, I’m afraid some matters cannot be rushed.” A thin woman said sharply. Perhaps it was Natasha’s lack of sleep or the pain she was feeling, she felt herself becoming irritated.

Tony seemed to sense her anger and stepped in, “We’re all well-educated adults here. Ms. Romanoff is very familiar with legal proceedings. Let’s continue to more pressing matters. The will?”

Natasha swallowed the lump that welled in her throat at the sight of the Barton’s will in sight. It made it real. The offensive paper set in stone that her best friends were truly dead. Her makeshift family was gone. A woman began to read the document.

“I, Clint F. Barton, and I, Laura Barton…” Natasha felt a jabbing pain in her chest as the words no longer mattered. Every possession of any substantial amount would be left to the children. She knew this. She was the one who pressed Clint and Laura to draft a will. She suddenly realized she would need to revise hers, as the beneficiaries who’d receive anything she had at her death were Clint and Laura. She had always joked that she’d get herself killed first. She couldn’t focus on the words when she watched Lila in the next room sullenly draw a picture. Lila always loved drawing. Now she looked so sad doing her favorite activity.

“Ms. Romanoff? You are clear on all financial matters pertaining to the Cooper, Lila, and Nathaniel?” A man asked.

She nodded, having been caught not listening to the mundane aspects of the finances. “Yes… The children will receive access to the funds set up for them on their 21st birthdays. Details on the accounts will be given to me.”

He seemed to accept her answer and handed her a thick file. She opened it and glanced at the first sheet. A detailed breakdown of the money left to the children. She knew Clint and Laura were very well off despite the humble life they led. She was aware of how well SHIELD paid. Each child would almost certainly never have to worry about money for the rest of their lives.

A woman addressed her next. “These files detail Barton farm, and all additional money left to you.”

Natasha stared at the woman, “What was that?” Natasha said aghast. Surely, she didn’t hear that right.

The woman nodded, “The will directed the Barton farm and the remaining 500,000 dollars be left to you.”

Natasha opened the folder and found a letter drafted in Clint’s handwriting.

“Natasha, I know you always said you’d go first. In case I prove you wrong, I want to make sure you are taken care of too. You’ve done Laura and I a huge favor in caring for our kids if anything should happen. Use the remaining money to care for them and don’t forget to take care of yourself too. After all you are as much part of our family as the kids are. There’s no one else we’d trust our children too. It’s important to Laura and I that you and the kids stay on the farm. We know how much the place means to you, and it’ll be yours now. Treat it well. I know I’m making the right call again, despite what others may say. Consider that ledger of yours you always talk about, it’s cleared out now. With love, Clint and Laura.”

Tears welled in her eyes and she shut them quickly as she snapped the folder shut. Clint had gone back and amended the will. There would have been no way she would have accepted the money or the farm if she had been there. It was unnecessary. She had more than enough money to care for the children before the money. The lawyers in the room seemed to sense the sensitivity of the matter and pressed on thankfully. Natasha just wanted to be done with theday.

“The last matter of the day is assigning guardianship. Clint and Laura have already done the heavy work to ensure guardianship would be given to you. We just require you verbally read the following statement, sign the line, and the notary will seal it.” A man pressed a paper towards her.

Natasha picked up the paper and scanned the words. She breathed softly and found the strength to say them.

“I, Natasha A. Romanoff, assume legal guardianship of Cooper Barton, age 8; Lila Barton, age 6; and Nathaniel Barton, age 3. Guardianship of the minors will continue until the date of each child’s 18thbirthday. I will assume financial, emotional, and physical responsibility for each child. I understand that from this day, December 8th, I will be acting in the best interest of each child. I will assume guardianship and reside at the Barton farm and to the best of my ability continue to raise the children as if they were my own.”

Natasha breathed quickly as she finished reading it aloud and the notary finalized the efforts. The lawyers handed her several more folders of important information pertaining to each child. After a few more moments the lawyers and notary left the room. Tony stood up and breathed deeply.

“I’ll go take those papers to your car.” He offered softly.

She gave him a strange look. “I don’t have a car.”

He nodded, “I took the liberty of finding one for you. I thought you’d be needing it. One less thing to worry about.”

She was touched. Tony was simply not the kind of person to do things like that. “Tell pepper I said thank you for the car.”

Tony laughed, “She only suggested it. I did the heavy work.”

Natasha nodded. He continued, “The kids have bags and things. I’m sure they’re itching to get out of the compound. I’ll make sure everything is ready to go. They’re waiting to see you.”

She stood up and looked up at Tony, “Thanks for everything. I know it’s not normally something you want to deal with.”

He frowned, “I know what those kids are feeling. Losing their parents. Those kids aren’t so bad really. I know Barton was your best friend. I’m sorry.” He said sincerely.

She bristled, “I’m sorry too. I never thought it would come to this.”

He nodded and motioned to leave, giving her the room she needed to go see the kids. “Tony?” she asked quickly as he reached for the door.

“Yeah?”

“What happened to Clint and Laura?” It was the question weighing heavy on her mind. She knew Steve would sugar coat any detail instead of laying it on her. She needed to know.

He sighed and looked at her, “Freak accident. They were eating in a restaurant, it exploded. Gas main blew. The kids were with a babysitter. I got a call from the police and brought the kids in.”

She wrapped her arms around herself as the news hit her. Her first thought was that at least they didn’t suffer. It would have been quick. “Do the kids know what happened?”

“The social workers handled that. I think the oldest one knows it was an explosion. The littler ones didn’t need as much detail.” Tony replied after a moment.

“Is there going to be a memorial service?” She asked.

“Plans are in motion for one for an SHIELD only one this weekend. I’ll send you the details.” He opened the door.

She sucked in a deep breath and headed for the opposite door, “Barnes and Rodgers are running around somewhere out there. Fyi.”

Tony gave her surprised look, “Barnes came with?”

“I asked him to.” She answered simply and let Tony, genius and all, fill in the rest.

He smirked, “We’ll can’t say I’m not surprised. You would shack up with a super-serumed soldier. Does he still do the Russian trigger word thing?”

She knew he was playing misinformed. He was bad at it, “He’s been fixed by a 16 year old who’s technology would put yours to shame. She’s a pint-sized genius. For the record… Barnes and I aren’t shacking up.” 

“That’s not what Rodgers said about where he found you and who you were with.”

Natasha huffed, “Goodbye, Tony.”


	6. Chapter 6

Natasha opened the door and she was met with a shriek. “Auntie Nat!” Lila slammed into her, the little girl wracked with sobs already.

Natasha dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around Lila. She kissed the girl’s cheek and rocked her back and forth. She whispered little words into the girl’s ear trying to reassure her. Cooper knocked into her next and followed soon by Nathaniel. Cooper was silently crying, opposed to the heavy sobbing Lila was doing. Nathaniel wasn’t doing anything other than trying to push his way into her arms. 

It ripped her heart apart to see the kids suffering. She was aware the social workers were still watching. “I’m here now… Shh… It’s going to be okay. I promise. I’m not going anywhere without you guys ever.”

“I miss them…” Cooper whimpered.

She sighed, “I know you do, kiddo. I miss them too. I miss them so much. But they wouldn’t want us to be sad for too long. You know that.” Clint and Laura were always big on finding the positives in situations.

“Can we go home? I want to go home.” Lila hiccupped.

“Yes, we’re going home. Are you ready?” She asked them. Cooper nodded and Lila reached for her hand.

She quickly took the little girls hand in hers and stood up after scooping Nathaniel into her arms and balancing him on her hip. The social worker smiled, “I see they are in great hands. I’ll be handling their case for the next few months. I will have to drop by the household and conduct unannounced visits.”

Natasha nodded, “I understand. Thank you.” She gently shifted Nathaniel who buried his head against her shoulder and shut his eyes. 

She led the kids out of the room and through the atrium again. A car was brought around as Tony had informed her it would. A moderately sized SUV with plenty of room for the kids’ things. She was shivering by the time she got Nathaniel into his car seat as the other two buckled themselves up. She made a mental note as she started to drive that she needed to go find a winter jacket. The hour long drive from the compound to the farm was silent as the kids fell asleep. 

Before she left the compound she got a message on her phone.

-Taking Bucky to the grocery store to keep him busy and give you time with the kids. I figured you’d need groceries. We will see you at the farm.-

At least now she had about an hour to figure out how to explain James to the kids.

  
  
  
  


When she arrived at the farm she was thankful that Steve ran out to the car first. It was snowing heavily, and nearing late afternoon. She had lost track of how many hours she had been up. The kids were exhausted. Nathaniel was still asleep and the other two were sluggishly moving around in the car.

Steve was a pleasant surprise to the kids who momentarily were happy to see him. He took the bags inside as she hauled Nathaniel out of his seat. Lila and Cooper were standing on the porch apprehensively looking at the front door.

She hurried up the steps and looked at them, “Tell me what’s on your minds.” She asked sincerely, crouching down to look at them on their level.

Lila was tearing up. Cooper was looking at the ground. She knew this would be hard. “You know…” She said softly and held Nathaniel closer. “I’m not going to replace your mom and dad. I love you all so much, and I’m going to take care of you. It’s going to take a while to get comfortable. It’s okay to feel the way you feel. Is it the house you don’t like?”

Cooper shook his head, “No… I like the house.”

Natasha nodded, “It feels different?”

Lila frowned, “It feels like home.”

She squeezed Lila’s hand, “You’re missing them?”

The two children nodded, and she breathed softly. “I won’t force you to go inside until we’re all ready.”

Lila looked upset, “But Auntie Nat, you don’t have a coat. It’s cold.”

She cupped Lila’s cheek, “It’s colder in Russia where I grew up. I’ll be okay, Lila.”

She peeked behind her and saw Steve looking out a window. She wondered what James was doing. She moved to sit on a chair beside the front door and watched Lila and Cooper mull around. She knew it was important to not force them to do anything quickly. Nathaniel was cozy in his jacket and still fast asleep. Twice Steve opened the door but found that they weren’t quite ready to come inside. The smell of food wafted out the door the last time he opened it.

Natasha looked up at the two kids, “I have a friend inside who’s cooked us something good to eat. Can you smell it?” She knew James must be the one cooking. She saw Steve try and cook once, it was disastrous.

Lila sniffed the air, and she smiled at the face the girl made. “What’s your friends name?” Lila asked.

“He’s Steve’s friend too. Steve calls him Bucky. I call him James. He’s very nice.” She noticed how Lila seemed be easily distracted from her emotions, while Cooper was more reluctant to engage.

“Why do you call him James?” Lila pressed.

Natasha smiled, “Well I know him from a very long time ago. We… went to school together.” She settled on school, knowing there was no American equivalent to the Red Room. Not that she’d ever mention the Red Room to the kids. 

Cooper finally seemed willing to participate in the conversation, “Is he a super hero like Steve and Dad? And you?”

She laughed lightly. She had never considered herself a super hero. Not with her past. Not when compared to Steve with his moral compass and super human abilities. “He’s strong like Steve, and a really good fighter. They grew up together before he went to school with me.” She smiled at Cooper, “I bet if you ask him nicely he’ll show you his arm.” She dangled.

Cooper took the bait, “What’s special about his arm?”

Natasha stood up seeing that Lila wanted to know too. “You’ll have to find out. It’s pretty cool.”

Cooper stepped towards the door and went inside. Natasha was relieved with Lila followed only after she offered her hand to lead her in. It smelled homey and a fire was going in the living room. The kitchen smelled like pasta and garlic bread. Sure enough, she saw James pulling something out of the oven. As he turned around he caught sight of her holding Nathaniel and leading Lila in hand in hand. He smiled at Natasha, seeing her with the kids was spectacular. He couldn’t deny that she looked very at ease with them. 

She busied herself helping Nathaniel out of his jacket and shoes while the older two kids hung up their things. 

“Who’s hungry?” Steve asked. Natasha was famished, her mouth watered just at the smell of the food.

The meal was a quiet affair, with Natasha trying to keep the kids distracted. She watched Cooper keep trying to figure out what one of James’ arms she was talking about. She knew the mechanical arm was the one resting on his lap while he ate, Cooper wouldn’t be able to to see anything that gave it away. Lila was dozing off in her seat and Cooper looked like he could use a nap. Nathaniel was asleep in her arms again after eating a bunch of spaghetti. 

“C’mon do you guys want to go to bed?” She asked the kids.

They both nodded and Natasha left the men to clean up while she headed upstairs. Cooper and Nathaniel shared a room. The boys went to sleep without a fuss. Lila needed more reassuring and extra attention before she succumbed to Natasha rubbing her back. She left the kids’ doors cracked open and retreated downstairs. 

James and Steve were talking in the living room. “Thank you for getting food ready for them.” She said as she sat down next to James. 

“Steve said something about how you can’t cook any better than he can. I knew that was one way I could help.” He said proudly.

She scowled at Steve, it was true. She didn’t know her way around a kitchen unless it involved the microwave or a coffee pot. “He’s not wrong.” She concluded and sank back into the couch.

“I’m going to head out until morning. Stark needs me back at the compound for a while.” Steve said and clapped James on the shoulder as he left. “Call if you need anything.”

Natasha nodded and looked over at James. “I haven’t told the kids about us. I’m not sure what to tell them. They seem to like you though. I mentioned you have a cool arm.”

James slipped an arm around her and kissed her temple. “They’ll figure it out, don’t you think?”

She shrugged, “I’m sure. But I want to be honest with them. They trust me. I don’t want to ruin that with anything. What should I tell them you are? Boyfriend?”

He smiled, “After all this time I only get to be your boyfriend?” He commented quickly.

“Well... That’s a step up from friend. You know what you need to do if you want the next title up.” She said as she stifled a yawn.

“Subtle...” He nudged, “Are you telling me to go pick out a ring?”

She pushed him to lay down on the couch so she could lay next to him. “I’m not telling you anything.” She yawned again as he wrapped an arm around her.

“Don’t you have a bedroom here?” He pretended to whine. 

“Yes... But I’m not moving until I absolutely have to.” Natasha said softly already half asleep.

“Good night Natasha.”

As it would turn out, she wouldn’t get to sleep that long. A few hours into the evening an ear-piercing scream rocketed through the house. Natasha bolted up, scrambling to get off the couch and up the stairs.

Lila was sobbing, Nathaniel was crying because he was woken up, and Cooper was agitated. Her nerves were shot as she cradled Nathaniel. Lila crawled into Cooper’s bed and calmed down after several minutes. A nightmare had woken her up. 

It was like that every night for the next week. Lila would wake up screaming several times a night. The nights she didn’t scream she ended up crawling in bed with her. To James’ dismay Natasha didn’t let him sleep in her room. The kids adored him, and for that Natasha was grateful. He ultimately proved to be the biggest distraction she could give them. He was so good with them, especially Cooper who liked to hang near James quite often. 

“Auntie Nat?” Lila said softly at breakfast one morning.

“Hmm?” Natasha answered over her cup of coffee.

Lila smiled and looked at Cooper who gave the girl a nod. Lila looked at James who was outside shoveling snow, then Natasha. “Do you like James the way Mommy liked Daddy?” 

Natasha was caught off guard and looked at Lila. “He’s my very good friend, Lila.” She offered quickly.

Lila was smart, “Mommy told me I shouldn’t kiss boys who are my friends unless he’s my boyfriend. Is James your boyfriend?”

Natasha sighed. The other morning she thought she had heard a noise as she snuck a moment in the laundry room to kiss James. Having the kids around made it hard to have a moment alone.

“Oh… Well your Mommy was right. You shouldn’t kiss boys who aren’t your boyfriend.” Natasha repeated and sipped her coffee.

Lila wasn’t satisfied, “James looks at you the way Daddy looked at Mommy.”

Cooper nodded. The kids had her cornered. “Do you guys like James?”

Both of them nodded quickly. Nathaniel was busy fumbling around with his pancakes on his plate to pay much attention to the conversation. Natasha looked at the kids and smiled, “James is my boyfriend.”

Lila was quick to ask another question. “Don’t you want to be like Mommy and Daddy?”

Natasha flushed quickly and looked at Lila. The girl was asking about her being married. “One day, honey.”

“You should ask him to get married.” Cooper concluded.

Natasha laughed and distracted them with more pancakes. Later Steve was going to come by and watch the kids so she could get away for a few hours and get Christmas shopping done. It was very important to her that the kids have a good Christmas. 

Once Steve arrived she snagged James and hurried to the car. As they drove she decided to tell him about the rest of breakfast. “You know the kids know about us.”

James gasped in shock, mockingly. “You don’t say.”

She scowled at him, “What do you mean?”

“I’m pretty sure Cooper opened the door the other night when we fell asleep in your room.” He pointed out.

She sighed, “Lila saw us kiss.”

James glanced at her, “Is it so bad that they know?”

She shook her head no. “I don’t know why I was odd about it. They do have very strong opinions about me asking you to marry me.”

James laughed loudly. “Good thing we’re going shopping. You can buy me a ring.”

She squeezed his hand. “They really like you, James. I can’t thank you enough for being here and helping me.”

“I can think of a good way you can thank me…” He said suggestively.

Natasha gave him a firm look. “We have no time to do that. Christmas in in two days.”

James nodded knowingly. “We can we go back to being like us again?”

She smiled softly, “I don’t know if we can. Not with how things are now. We’ll have to make a new version of what we used to have.”

James glanced out the window as they approached a crowded shopping mall. “I can do with a new and improved ‘us’.” He smiled. “As long as I get a ring.”

Natasha swung into a parking spot. “Let’s go then and pick you out a sparkly ring.” She smiled.

\---To Be Continued---

This story will be continued in a sequel coming up very soon!

  
  



End file.
